Saturday, December 18, 2004

chimpus automaniacus

darwin and his friends have screwed up big time. it appears that on the evolutionary ladder, specifically between chimpanzees and homosapiens, there does exist a species gone unnoticed by science. called chimpus automaniacus. better known to you and me as - the autodriver.

biologists agree that this is a fascinating species. externally, they look astonishingly like humans. the two hands, legs, fingers, what appears to be a head... everything just like you and me. but here's where mother nature showed her genius: on the inside, they have the brains of - yup, 10 points to you!- a chimp!

allow me to elaborate. these animals are bereft of reasoning capabilities. attempts to communicate about the presence of a meter to measure distances travelled and corresponding costs incurred ended in abject failure. it appears the animals employ methods which are yet to be understood by humans. valiant attempts to understand these methods leads to any of two possibilities: the rest of the herd rushes to the protection of the poor chimpus automaniacus, or the spoilt animal ignores the presence of humans.

however, the real threat to humans arises when the chimpus are in motion. much like bananas are to chimpanzees, the traffic signal is to the chimpus. it is a rare chimpus that doesn't go joyfully bouncing and deliriously screaming past a red traffic signal. an instinct developed over years of unmonitored breeding among the chimpus. this has led to considerable extinction among homo-sapiens in the vicinity of the chimpus on a joyride.

much to the delight of animal-rights activists, this is one of the few species that faces absolutely no fear of extinction. far from it. it is one of the few species in the animal kingdom to boast of a labour rights union! in fact, a few years ago, a leading film star even danced to the tunes of a song written in honor of the chimpus automaniacus. it was a blockbuster!

go figure.

the copy drinkers