Friday, September 23, 2005

cricket's crackpot captain

degreecopy is in possession of an email allegedly written by an aspiring cricket captain to indian cricket team coach, greg chappell. printed below is the letter in its entirety.

Dear Shri Chappell-ji,

Ref: Physically and mentally unfit Indian cricket captain

Greetings to you, sir! Myself, Mr. Kirkuchamy, aged 37 years, resident nutcase nagar, India. I am humbly applying for post of Indian cricket captain to you sir. Forgive my proudness, but please see why you should consider me for great job.

I am loving cricket for lang time. Broken many records, windows and heads also. I can do both bowling and batting. By the blessings of our Lord Shri Tendulkaranatha, I am captain of our local crackpot cricket league. I am not boasting, but my team has won the Ashes Trophy also. But I don’t know why, our medical superintendent never clapped when we proudly showed off our trophy to him. He was saying something about burnt hospital records, and scolding us for putting ashes into that gopalchamy’s bedpan as a trophy.

The worst is that he gave me solitary confinement for one week, with only watery rice for meals. But I am not discouraged. These are little, little sacrifices for great achievements, no sir?

I am also physically very unfit. Latest weight is 100 kilos (weighing machine is reliable. I checked with Nurse Stella.). A few fingers are missing due to slight misunderstanding happening with next bed neighbour. I think he has kept my fingers in plastic cover under his bed. I will try and bring them when you call me for the personal interview with you.

Please find my resume with this letter, sir. If you need any more details, you can call my medical superintendent. I will tell him in advance that you are to be calling. Please consider my case favourably, sir. Together, we will bring 2007 world cup to India, by almighty’s grace.

Yours humblefully,

Kirkuchamy

PS: Unlike ganguly, I am personally feeling shyness to remove and wave shirt in front of unknown ladies, but don’t mind for sake of nation.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

supari loses sanctity

In an unprecedented move, Mr. Madhur Bandharkar, director of films like Page 3 and Chandni Bar, outbid starlet Preeti Jain, leading to information being leaked about Mr. Bhandarkar being a supari recipient.

Arun Gawli and Associates, the firm that was handling Ms.Jain’s case has already sacked Nagesh Pardesi, the supari executive who botched up the assignment. The firm has already gone overdrive into damage control mode. It is carrying out an internal investigation to find out why the counter-bid offer from Mr.Bandharkar was accepted. Industry sources say Mr. Gawli has privately assured clients that corrective measures are being taken to ensure that similar incidents do not recur.

As an industry, the underworld is clearly caught on the back foot. “I thought this sort of thing is rampant in call centers of credit card companies, not in an industry like ours,” said a veteran supari specialist to degreecopy. The supari has until now been Bollywood’s most trusted nuisance-clearance device. Earlier recipients of the supari include such filmi heavyweights such as Gulshan Kumar and Mukesh Duggal. Mr. Bandharkar was the all set to be the recipient for 2005.

In what many believe to be a delightfully simple, yet brilliant move, Mr. Bhandarkar offered to counter Ms. Jain’s bid. It certainly exposed the chinks in Mr.Gawli’s business model. The firm clearly did not have a plan in place to deal with counter-bid offers. To make matters worse, there was pressure on the firm’s bottom line, as well. Which led to the supari contract being cancelled.

It will certainly be interesting to see the industry’s response to the situation. Some are already putting a plan into place where the ‘Auction’ model will come into play. Here both client and the recipient of the supari will be invited to make bids, and the highest bid will settle the issue in a straightforward manner. But many industry veterans bemoan the fact that a few black sheep are bringing the entire underworld to disrepute. “The sanctity of the supari is under threat,” lamented a highly respected don to degreecopy.

Monday, September 12, 2005

numerical consolation

take heart, mumbai. actually, you've reason to feel proud of yourself. you've coped much better with the floods than new orleans did with katrina. dilip d' souza has put up some very interesting numbers on his blog, comparing the two cities:

inches of rain in new orleans due to hurricane katrina... 18
inches of rain in mumbai (July 27th).... 37.1

population of new orleans... 484,674
population of mumbai.... 12,622,500

deaths in new orleans within 48 hours of katrina...100
deaths in mumbai within 48hours of rain.. 37.

number of people to be evacuated in new orleans... entire city..wohh
number of people evacuated in mumbai...10,000

Cases of shooting and violence in new orleans...Countless
Cases of shooting and violence in mumbai.. NONE

Time taken for US army to reach new orleans... 48hours
Time taken for Indian army and navy to reach mumbai...12hours

status 48hours later...new orleans is still waiting for relief, army and electricty
status 48hours later..mumbai is back on its feet and it's business as usual

USA...world's most developed nation
India...third world country..

Well Done Mumbaikars

the copy drinkers